i need some space to breath

1st entry in 2010.
happy hari wilayah to KL, putrajaya & labuan.
i need a space for me to take a deep breath. i know im too selfish. i know i want anything that i cant get it right now. huh.

he back to Riyadh last month after 2 weeks stay in Msia. he told me that he's gonna back for good this end of feb. but yesterday he said that maybe he will back in the early march or end of march. its mean that he gonna stay for another month. but its not confirm until he get the letter from his company.

i know im not a good wife. but pliz understand my feeling. even though u are too far from me pliz understand my situation. (klu x paham pon buat2 paham dh cukup membahagiakn)

when i said that i hate my life after married. he said i choose this life. when i said that i dont like he works at Riyadh, he said im not bersyukur since we can married earlier without berhutang. (his salary quite big there and enuf to pay all the expenses and my duit hantaran.
when i said i love my life right now. do all the things alone. stay alone in my hse. dun want to think more about marriage life and just want to focus on my career he said that i dont care about him anymore. arghhh i hate this!!

i just want a happier life to live.

i want to get pregnant and deliver his baby.

i want him everyday in my life.

i want to breath the same air with him.

is it he can understand my feeling? is it he knows that my life would suck without him??

notes : i hate ppl that always ask me dh berisi ke belom. its including my MIL. are they knows that i dont a "penyumbang sperm" right now. how i want to get pregnant?? izit i can buy the sperm at any supermarket so i can senyawakan with my ovum???
arghh if buat anak tu mcm buat kuih dh lama aku buat x payah nk ssh2 hidup sorang2 menjawap sume pertanyaan bodoh itu.